Dragons Are Real

Dragons are real, folks, miracles happen, and there is a God in heaven – or so it seems. The evil charlatan rabbi was finally driven out of town and defrocked.
True, for twenty years he was allowed to drag his frocked belly and fedora all over the globe, lecturing everyone about piety and charity, all the while embezzling millions and proudly declaring “frock you!” to all the world – laughing all the way to the Swiss bank.

You have to understand, we are a tolerant folk. His rabbinical highness, maran hagaon hakadosh, rosh Yeshivas Kol Yaakov of Monsey, Reb Yehuda Leib Tropper Shlit”a was not some sort of hardened criminal. All in all, he only transgressed the requirement of “pirko noeh”. It’s not like he played a wild guitar solo a-la Jimmy Page, or that he had internet in his home, chas veshalom. Kol sheken vekal vachomer he didn’t preach any type of kfirah such as evolution. Those crimes usually grant an instant cherem, having your kids thrown out of school and being driven out of town immediately. Such crimes are clearly a danger to Klal Yisorel and the future of Torah-True Judaism, as well as True-Torah Judaism. Such severe aieiros are labeled shikutz, toei’vah, miuss.

But a lack of “Pirko no’eh” is nisht so geferlach. It’s not as bad as, let’s say, converting people on a conveyor belt, for example. Or defrauding millions from naïve philanthropists – and a charity fund or two as well. In fact, I want to inform people like Avi Weiss, Slifkin, Lipa Shmeltzer, that they are really stupid. If you want the pashkevilim, Yated editors and others off your backs, just steal a couple million dollars, do some uh, umm, huh huh, uh scoring, and huh huh, you’ll be okay.

By the way – breaking news – the Sages of Chelm came out with a new Paskevil. I know you won’t believe me, but I’m tellin’ ya, dragons are real. They came out with a pashkevil that actually makes sense: no drinking and driving on purim! Mamma mia, now that’s a chidush! How they came up with this unfathomable discovery, I don’t know, and I’m sure dazzled that the DOJ is even more machmir, since they asser drinking & driving all year long, not just on Purim.

Dragons are real, I’m tellin’ ya!



© Joseph Izrael 2010