Thursday, July 23, 2009

Innocent Exile

Today die rusha guyim arrist many many frum yidden wiz die fols acuze of “monee londer”. Of corse, dis iz oll a big lie, dis iz die blod leebel of die 21st cintury. Even the hailiga Ari Teitelbaum and Duvid Twerski sed so. And evin if dey did it, dey didn’t do it to buy a yacht, they did it for tzduka. Diz goyim are big rashas, and dey did a big rashsal profiling. If dis was schwartzes or Mexicaner dey would never arrist dem. But for yiddin rahsa profiling is good? Vhy? Ve are going to appil to our bilovid prisident Obama so he give us pardon and mididcaid and hell care riform. Vi tell Obama to kill oll dis rasist mudirn ortodoxes who make up lies aginst our heliga kehila. Evrione who biliv dis and say it over is abig chillil hashaim and speek a big lushen hure!

This is what you’ll hear now for a while, and of course Alfred Rosenberg Jr., David Dukelesey and ADov HitBear will harp on for a while. They’ll explain you how the real Taliban (haredim) all live this way and it’s all because they don’t accept evolution and they deny the fact that Moshe Rabbeinu was a Nazi who ordered massacres and gang rapes (Dovtor Mengele actually wrote this on her blog). Also, it’s all part of Bush’s illegal Spying On Innocent Civilians ™ program, in order to take revenge on the kikes for voting against him. They’ll swear that The Yeshiva World refused to report on it, and besides it was only the frenkim from Deal who were implicated.
And don’t miss out on the Retired Retard from Chicago ™ (Also known as Hairless Mary or Harry Blogger, the Half-Brain Prince and his Daily Hollows) who will explain how it all happened because these haredi perps didn’t grow up on Hatikva and were depraved cheesy Disney cartoons on TV. Oh, yes, and they also don’t stand during the siren on Yom Hashoah. How terrible. So now it all came back to them.

Of course, don’t expect anyone to take the sober stance that condemning “bad influences” only in the forms of immodest dressing and “goyische music” is idiotic, to say the least. Besides the fact that the holy mothers from Williamsburg and Kiryas Joel can look like echt zoines all the while conforming to all the Deniers, millimeters and hair origins, there are many ways in which we are influenced by the rusha goyim. The worship of Money Moloch is not new, but openly flaunting an extravagant lifestyle is relatively new – and it happened with nary a word from any Gadol – all mosdos depend on Mr. Rich Guy, after all. Let’s not forget the new blue-blooded caste, the heiliga Kollel Avreichim who are moser nefesh for the Torah – with Kollelim now offering free housing (Pessach kitchen included) and late-model minivans with power doors on both sides (a necessity for busy avreichim who pick up their kids during the 2-hour Kollel break). Of course, eating the glatt kosher schmor and having it too comes at a price, and what better way to help yourself to a schmeer of chopped liver than to schmeer a little receipt here and a little politician there.

The Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim siman תקעב' & on) describes the Tshuva and Taanios procedures following a drought. One of the Bais Din’s actions described (תקעו ס' טז) is “...וחוקרים על בעלי חמס ועבירות ומפרישין אותן ועל בעלי זרוע ומשפילין אותן... – to investigate extorters and evildoers and confine them, and humble aggressive and brutal people”. I guess since now we have rain in abundance, the course of action is a Tehillim marathon to save the unjustly arrested innocent tsaddikim. I just can’t wait for the next Tznius takanah to fend off any further unjust arrests.

© Joseph Izrael 2009

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Black Dog

He bows to the Saudi king, spits on the heroes of Normandy, says Palestinian mothers and Israeli mothers want the same thing, denies pan-Arab support for terrorism, kowtows to Iran, appoints cheats, frauds, criminals and America haters to key posts, does everything to destroy the economy, undermine the USA’s sovereignty, crush the citizenry and empower his cronies…

At some point even his handlers, namely the America hating media, were at a loss – is the guy a total moron? How can he present the British PM with a bundle of 25 cheap DVDs and the queen with an iPod?

Adolf Obama is no fool. He knows exactly what he is doing – this was no glitch, flub or mistake. The iPod and the DVD’s have very specific meanings. The Affirmative Action President tells the Brits change has come, and it’s here to stay. Gone are the days of formalities and respect to tradition – we are generation X. We are punks, voted in by punks – People Magazine, The Village Voice, Hustler, Vanity Fair – that’s who we are. We do not appreciate the words of some old farts scribbled on an old piece of parchment – we appreciate iPods, Britney Spears and “Fiddy Sens” – and if you don’t like it, we’ll shove it down your throat; “I won!”

But why does he hate the USA so much? Why does he want to destroy his benefactors, who gave Adolf Jr. his whole life practically for free?
Specifically for that reason. Because he knows all too well – he feels with every bone, he senses with every nerve, that the USA is his antithesis and that he is the USA’s antithesis.
The USA is built on the nuclear family – Hussein never had one. The USA runs on achievement – and this clown never achieved anything. In the USA, the old, outdated notion of honor still counts – and this hyena has not one iota of honor.

But the hate-filled worm lay in wait, and witnessed the emergence of a new USA – the USA that grew up on skim milk and Walt Disney. It than morphed into Playboy magazine’s USA, which threw out its production-based economy in favor of a market based economy. This is the USA that voted him in – and now the mad dog waits to take America like a drunken rocker takes a stoned groupie.

For this end he has surrounded himself with the most vicious henchemen, the lowliest scoundrels who are fit for the job – Robert Göbbels, Rommel Emmanuel, Eric Himmler, Nancy Mussolini and Hitlary Clinton. But how will it all end?

© Joseph Izrael 2008

Friday, February 20, 2009

Animal (Fress Like A Beast)

Conservatism Is A Mental Disorder, Pt I

Bees do it, birds do it is not the same as f**k like a beast”, thundered former 2nd lady, St. Ripper Gore from the podium.
No, this is not a joke. Tipper Gore actually founded the PMRC - parents concerned about violent and sexual content in music, no kidding. After thirty years of rock’n’roll, sex, and drugs, Tipper the stripper has the nerve to get on the podium in front of congress and scold rock bands for using graphic language and stage antics! I could never understand why the Tsarina of a party funded by Larry Flint, George Soros and Viacom would make such a statement.
I later came to realize that there was indeed something very deep in Tipper & Co’s attack on idiotic pop stars.
“Bees do it, birds do it” in fact legitimizes and internalizes permissiveness, which is of course addictive. Overly sexual and brutal songs, however, rather ridicule, or at least lift the seal of sanctity from sexual freedom, and push it in the category of teenage rebellion. And that bothers Tipper & Co. They don’t want depravity to be a passing teenage fad. They don’t want hedonism to be the anti-establishment – they want it to be the establishment. But they can’t do so openly. So they have to honey-coat it in “love” and Rousseau-esque “bees do it, birds do it”…

The right-wing morons, of course, joined in the chorus, thinking that the leftists have any regard to decency, “and have their limits too”. They watched from the sidelines how Marxists and pornographers were taking over the educational system, the media and the entire establishment.
The right surrendered to the lefto-Nazis in the very same way the West now surrenders to Islam. Honoring a set of freedom-based rules and principles is a clear disadvantage when facing those who do not abide by them. The enemy, of course, is usurping and exploiting those freedoms at will.
Thus quasi-porno mags are sold at supermarket check outs, but the capitalist moron feels it would be “oppressive” to take them off the shelf. The promise of an extra dollar, of course, is also a tenet in the Capitalist Bible, and since we abide by the separation of church and business, you won’t find a decent mag that may actually teach our youth something other than aspiring to become a slut on Sunset Boulevard.

Take for example Ruth Brownshirt-Gincburg, who, on one hand opines that the constitution is “not carved in stone” (therefore we should ape European law), yet believes that enemy combatants must be fully protected by the constitution.

And while the schutzstaffel were slowly but surely infiltrating every institution in the USA, the conservative moron was playing golf, running a business, and sending his children to drink Big Brother’s venom.

The American left came up with the world’s most brilliant strategy of dictatorship: let the people enslave themselves. One of the lies propagated in the USSR was that “the USA pays high salaries to its people in order to blind them to their misery”. They probably never imagined they weren’t all that far off the mark. In contrast to Communists, Nazis, and previous dictatorships who appealed to nationalism, force and pride, liberalism courted that which is equal in all flesh. By talking to the little “liberal” in us all, by legitimizing it, by absolving mankind from “אדם לעמל יולד”, the animal in us all rules supreme.
Now go fight it – but on what basis?

© Joseph Izrael 2008

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

You Don’t Have To Be Old To Be Wise

Sometimes one can see a silver lining to a very dark cloud.
It is heartwarming to see how organizations that are at odds with one another – and quite often at each other’s throats (preferably about petty quibbles and power plays) unite in times of dire to help the clal.
So you can imagine how warm my blackened heart felt when I saw the posters of the Parnassa intitative in shul, outlining their different ways to help in difficult times.

Isn’t it great that our leaders take the time and effort to help with employment and business initiatives? And even able to put aside their ideological wars for a while to mend our scars?

Unfortunately, it only happens after the fact. How long have I been screaming about leaders ignoring the impending fiscal dangers? Why was everyone silent about abusing the system, hiring illegal aliens and living an irresponsible lifestyle of drunken sailors?
Not one poster, not one word, not one warning, and of course, chas vesholem, no union of JWF (Jewish Warring Factions) to asser –or at least warn- about the housing scam. No. The venerable rabbis sat idle as they got fat on donations from real-estate scammers. No one cared that the house of cards was bound to collapse. Not one suggested that Jewish businesses employ Jewish people to do the menial jobs – no Parnossah fund was established to fill the gap between what American workers ask and what employers pay to illegal immigrants.

But thankfully the satellite circus just rolled into town. The Council Of The Sages Of Chelm have united to help you: free gmachs to start a business – the way to help us out of the hailed “economic crisis”! That’s right raboisai, now that the water’s overhead, the free loan fund will bail out the freeloaders, and the business loan initiative will give 5 grand to those who have enough dishonest friends to co-sign the loan.
I just keep wondering, how these clairvoyants invariably fail to see what’s coming, and refuse to act before it’s too late? Are our wise rabbis in lockstep with the lowliest of politicians, or is it vice versa? So here you have it, the frum version of Obama’s Stalinist payback-ransack bill. And the same old usurpation of Jews’ love of hessed to benefit ganefs who will be the only ones to benefit from the Parnossah initiative.

If the “עיני העדה” are themselves blind, why do they have to be followed?
Since I don’t want to be only negative, I have a few real suggestions to ease the burden & the hurt of the economic crisis:

Entice real estate owners to let people live in their houses for very cheap. There are hundreds upon hundreds of houses standing empty for over two years, yet the prices are not going down. Why? Because the owners know that their politicians will prevent the properties from being confiscated. The real estate gangs stick together to keep prices inflated. The rabbis know, but they need to make a living, too. Tell them to sell the houses at low prices instead of taxpayers having to bail them out.

Second: publish a kol korei signed by the biggest rabbis unequivocally prohibiting the hiring of illegal immigrants. Let frum people pack orders at Kosher supermarkets, and establish a fund to make up the difference between what the employer pays and what they (reasonably) expect.

Third: make all school/yeshiva operators open their books. Parents are choking, teachers are not being paid, and rosh Yeshivas are parading in brand new SUVs and go on vacations in Florida. I want to know where the money comes from. They have an obligation to pay employees before taking profits. The amount of blood, sweat and tears they invested in the yeshiva is no excuse. If you’re a ganef, you can’t be a rosh yeshiva. (ooops, all Yeshivas would have to close…)

Fourth: unconditionally and unequivocally asser to give tzedakah to unknown individuals, or without solid proof that they are entitled to collect tzedakah. I had enough of snot-nosed hassidsh kids shaking their hands in my face asking for “hacnossas kallah” – meaning their own chassunah, coming up in four years. Yes, they do it and it is totally accepted in hassidish circles. Stupid jews fund the hassidim’s shtreimels and Escalades, thinking they do a mitzvah.

Fifth: relax your insane contraceptive rules. David Twerski, the führer of new square, prohibits any and all contraception in any and all case – yes, even if it is known the couple is genetically incompatible.

Sixth: prevent multiple small businesses to compete over one small clientele instead of uniting and opening a larger one. This is mostly due to typical Jewish factioneering.

Lastly, stop the insane price gouging in frum stores. Stop the punitive rent from frum real estate moguls, and tell shopkeepers you’ll discourage your parishioners from patronize them if they don’t sell for a fair price. I’m willing to pay pay 2%-6% more for clothing in a frum store instead of the mall. But not 10%-40%, that’s insane.

Finally – can someone tell me why all the sponsors on the bottom of the posters were from the food industry? 5 brownie points for the right answer.

© Joseph Izrael 2008

Monday, February 02, 2009

Fistful Of Diamonds

You may remember my previous fuming and ranting on the subject.
My wife showed me a beautiful article yesterday: Kiryas Yoel is the poorest place in the USA – median income $15K/YR. To weep, mamish.

Welfare programs are necessary to keep poor people afloat – whether disabled, down on their luck, or even to a certain extent lazy people, as they are part of our society, whether we like it or not. And the rich benefit from it just as they benefit from roads being maintained: it keeps crime rates lower, and helps poor people shop in cheap stores like NWL owned by rich taxpayers. So the poor people are part and parcel of the “economic food chain”.

But this big, bad, mean, cruel capitalist US of KKK-A offers the best welfare and social help programs in the world. Full health coverage – including free taxi (both ways) to your doctor of choice – yes, even if such a doctor is available next door, if you like the one 80 miles away, you’ve got it. Welfare checks, WIC (basic food for Women, Infants and Children in low income households – the easiest program to qualify for), food stamps, HEAP benefits will cover your utilities, and section 8 will pay your rent. And such runaway handouts are simply addictive, and kill the incentive to find jobs or build businesses.

Of course, in order to qualify for all these programs and live like a king (in your own home on sec. 8!) you’ve gotta give something up – just your honesty. If you’re willing to cheat, lie, steal from your “fellow” taxpayers – and help certain politicians hold office for life – you’ll qualify for all these programs, no questions asked.

I hereby gracefully bid you join me to the aforementioned fortress of sanctity, piety and modesty. Here you will see the holy mothers of 14, clad in fist-sized diamond earrings, $2000 fur coats, $300 Gucci teichels, $400 crocodile shoes and purses, pushing $800 bugaboos (a new one for each new baby). All this on a mere 15,000 dollars. Did I mention the gigantic breakfronts with dozens of pounds of sterling silver? The tasteless, repulsive, grotesque yet ultra-expensive furniture? The shtreimels (winter, summer, fleischig, milchig, pessach, sukkos, etc.,) and different outfits. Did I mention most couples are legally divorced to reap some more single mom benefits and alimony? Did I tell you the different therapies offered by the county are gobbled up and used as babysitting service?
They’re not poor because they have so many children. They have so many children because they can easily afford it, at other people’s expense. And contrary to delusional morons’ claims, their neighbors are fully aware of what they do. The people who certify them for the programs see their extravagant jewelry and clothing. Not only do they beat the system – they do it openly, with arrogance and an in-your-face attitude.

The problem is not that there are poor people. The problem is not that there are such frauds. The problem is that it’s systematic and their establishment rests on it. That’s how the Rebbe’s court can continue to exist – as long as you keep the uniform and the formalities, anything goes. That’s how the shul, the kollel, the cheider, the tznius patrol, the girlschool, the gmach and the yeshiva survive. And that’s how peer pressure corrupts the honest, and crushes those who refuse to cheat. And that’s how many people who really need the help don’t qualify. That’s why so many roads are broken and neglected (roads don’t vote, remember). That’s how many children who really need help are denied therapy.

Go ask your posek whether your income taxes qualify for maaser, since they feed the hungry hassidim.
When is the last time you heard any rabbi denounce this massive theft? I’m sure as soon as they fix the frivolous not-thick-enough-stockings problem, the rampant plague of yeshiva boys buying pizza at 9:30PM and the atrocity of kids arriving 6 minutes late for shacharis, they will immediately fix the problem.
Unless, of course, they decide to sue the government for not providing chalak Bais Yossef to innocent victims of false child molestation charges in prison first.

Yeah, I also want a fistful of diamonds.

© Joseph Izrael 2008

Thursday, January 15, 2009

הן עם לבדד ישכון

You say we are fools
We say look at you
Long ago we were just a few
Still say we don't need you

We don't want to belong
We said all along
We just wanna be left alone

Think that we must have lost our way
Running from the blaze
You were wrong
We chose our cause
Counting up the days
Enduring your rage
We got strong

We don't want to belong
We said all along
We just wanna be left alone

You denied everything that's good
Reacting as you would
With your shame
So we turned
And left you all behind
We don't need your kind
You're to blame

We don't want to belong
We said all along
We just wanna be left alone

In years to come
You'll hear my name
When darkness falls
On Judgement Day

They say we are fools
We say look at you
Long we know we are just a few
Still say - we don't need you

Think that we must have lost our way
Running from the blaze
You were wrong
We chose our cause
Counting up the days
Enduring in a rage
We got strong

We don't want to belong
We said all along
We just wanna be
Left alone

Another one that speaks for itself.

© Joseph Izrael 2008

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Let Them Eat Cake!

“I’ll explain it to you,” said Alissa the Fox, sitting down on her tail and licking her chops, “In the Land Of Fools there’s a magic field called the Field Of Marvels. You just dig a hole in the field, say “Kreckety, freckety, peckety” three times, put the gold in the hole, cover it up with earth, sprinkle a little salt on it, give it a good watering, then go to sleep. And the next morning a little tree with gold instead of leaves will grow out of the hole. See?”
Burattino hopped up and down -
“You’re lying!”
“Come on Basilio,” said the Fox, turning up her nose huffily. “He doesn’t believe us, and more fool him.”
“No, no,” cried Burattino. “I do believe you! Let’s go to the Land Of Fools as fast as we can!”

[-Excerpt from Alexei Tlostoi's "The Little Golden Key (Or, The Advantures of Burattino, the little wooden puppet)"]

No further comment necessary, now is it?

© Joseph Izrael 2008