Dear Mr. Drekk

I am responding to you, who took the trouble to write a letter to Yated Ne'eman's editor, which you signed C.R. & M.F. from Fakewood.

You are two little pieces of drekk.
Not robbers, major criminals or bloodthirsty murderers. Just ungrateful little parasites.

How dare you even think the questions you ask, never mind asking them on the pages of a newspaper?
You are avrechei kollel who lack nothing. You readily acknowledge that your schvers and schvigers take care of all your needs, yet you are not ashamed to be annoyed by the fact that they dare expect you to say over some divrei Torah at the Shabbos table! How dare you! Let me please tell you something, Messrs C.R. & M.F.: when I hear you speak this way, I have a desire to convert to Christianity (or to kick the living daylights out of you). What you say is a chilul hashem of the first degree. First, you are obligated to respect your in-laws' wishes, as part of …כבד את אביך, whether they support you or not. קל וחומר בן בנו של קל וחומר since your entire Torah learning 'belongs' to them. But I guess “honesty”, “decency” and “integrity” are such schmutziga freia words heliga avreichim like you never even heard.

But your abysmal ingratitude stems from a far deeper problem. The entire generation of current full-time Torah learners, with few exceptions, is corrupt to the core. You learn on condition that you have all comfort and luxuries imaginable made available to you. You walk with your heads held high, you take your Torah for granted, and you imagine that the entire world ‘owes’ you. The majority of avreichim even engage in repugnant dependency on a plethora of governmental assistance programs, often acquired by outright fraud, deceit and lies - but in any case at taxpayers' expense. You parade yourselves and your families in new and expensive clothing, you live in big houses, drive new cars, and demand that the whole world respect and admire you – because you do G-d the great favor of churning the same twenty blatt of noshim & nezikin over and over.

Now listen to me, you generals of Sdom and people of Amorah, you who feed from the filthiest pig troughs on earth, the hands of politicians who push everything that G-d abhors - pornography, homosexuality, abortion on demand, special rights for criminals, terrorists and whoremongers -; you have breached your fiduciary duties with the Ribono shel Olam and Klal Yisroel. (Yes, learning the Torah and observing it is a fiduciary duty, in case you weren't aware of it). You claim to hold yourself to the highest standards of Torah and halocha, yet you sink lower than drug dealers. Those at least don't walk around pretending that they're the cream of the crop – and I'm sure they don't spit in their fathers-in-law’s faces. In case you weren't aware of it, the Torah has a בין אדם לחבירו part to it too. But for some reason, not one of all the new chumras instituted in the last forty years is בין אדם לחבירו (except when it comes to tell loshon hora about haimishe child molesters and embezzlers).

Let’s forget for a moment that you completely ignore, and often go head on against nearly all forty-eight requirements of kinyan Torah (פת במלח תאכל ועל הארץ תישן, בענוה, בקבלת היסורין, אוהב את התוכחות, ולא מגיס לבו בתלמודו, - just to name a few) – by spitting in your fathers-in-law’s faces, you not only violate one of the עשרת הדברות, but you’re also being ungrateful to the ribono shel olam.

You have, however, good mentors and accomplices in your abysmal arrogance, complacence and hypocrisy; your fathers-in-laws probably went in deeper debt they already were, and committed a few more dishonesties and indecencies to get enough dough for buying two ungrateful, disrespectful and worthless little ‘takhshitim’ like you. And they in turn mistoma learned from the heiliga roshei Yeshivos who do shidduchim exclusively with rich, white-collar elites who swim in 100% honestly earned dead presidents. (Maybe the "choshuva askonim" of BMG are already pushing for a $500 Bill with Clinton's face on it...)

In fact, your horrifyingly self-serving haughtiness is reflective of the secular society you claim to be so secluded of. Your letter is reminiscent of rebellious teenage rock anthems, whose basic “philosophy” is “leave us alone ‘cos we do whatever we wanna do, yeah yeah yeah!”

According to what I read in parshas bechukosai, it is behavior like yours that triggers all the klolos in the Torah. However, as far as I am concerned, if you do not mend your ways, it would be enough that you get two worms like yourselves for sons-in-laws, as a reward for your tzidkus.

PS –
Before you accuse me of ‘kollel bashing’ and ‘avrech hating’ take a moment to ponder that a) I’ve been in kollel too, but never took any government assistance or other forms of schnorring and b) as Torah scholars, you are to be held to the highest standards possible, (הקב"ה מדקדק עם צדיקים כחות השערה and כל הגדול מחבירו יצרו גדול הימנו) not just sneer and look down at everyone else.


ADDENDUUM PENDULUUM 7/8/'08:
I'm informed by a certain occasional Yated reader that the week following this letter, the schvers apologized(!!!) to their sons of b-oops, I mean laws. The week after, the SOL's admitted the letter was a hoax. Go figure. One thing is sure: I was right on the money about the stupid schvers, and even if the letter is actually a hoax, the attitudes are definitely prevalent in the impeccable, uncriticisable, perfect and flawless Yeshivisha Velt.

Oy Vey - Rabbi Anonimous informs that indeed there are some terrible problems in the Yeshiva velt: some avreichim show up as late as 4 minutes into brochos for shacharis, some families didn't get approved for sec8/HUD, and some misinterpreted a certain Rashbo on Yevomos. Oy Vey.

© Joseph Izrael 2008