You Don’t Have To Be Old To Be Wise

Sometimes one can see a silver lining to a very dark cloud.
It is heartwarming to see how organizations that are at odds with one another – and quite often at each other’s throats (preferably about petty quibbles and power plays) unite in times of dire to help the clal.
So you can imagine how warm my blackened heart felt when I saw the posters of the Parnassa intitative in shul, outlining their different ways to help in difficult times.

Isn’t it great that our leaders take the time and effort to help with employment and business initiatives? And even able to put aside their ideological wars for a while to mend our scars?

Unfortunately, it only happens after the fact. How long have I been screaming about leaders ignoring the impending fiscal dangers? Why was everyone silent about abusing the system, hiring illegal aliens and living an irresponsible lifestyle of drunken sailors?
Not one poster, not one word, not one warning, and of course, chas vesholem, no union of JWF (Jewish Warring Factions) to asser –or at least warn- about the housing scam. No. The venerable rabbis sat idle as they got fat on donations from real-estate scammers. No one cared that the house of cards was bound to collapse. Not one suggested that Jewish businesses employ Jewish people to do the menial jobs – no Parnossah fund was established to fill the gap between what American workers ask and what employers pay to illegal immigrants.

But thankfully the satellite circus just rolled into town. The Council Of The Sages Of Chelm have united to help you: free gmachs to start a business – the way to help us out of the hailed “economic crisis”! That’s right raboisai, now that the water’s overhead, the free loan fund will bail out the freeloaders, and the business loan initiative will give 5 grand to those who have enough dishonest friends to co-sign the loan.
I just keep wondering, how these clairvoyants invariably fail to see what’s coming, and refuse to act before it’s too late? Are our wise rabbis in lockstep with the lowliest of politicians, or is it vice versa? So here you have it, the frum version of Obama’s Stalinist payback-ransack bill. And the same old usurpation of Jews’ love of hessed to benefit ganefs who will be the only ones to benefit from the Parnossah initiative.

If the “עיני העדה” are themselves blind, why do they have to be followed?
___________________________________________________________________________________
Since I don’t want to be only negative, I have a few real suggestions to ease the burden & the hurt of the economic crisis:

Entice real estate owners to let people live in their houses for very cheap. There are hundreds upon hundreds of houses standing empty for over two years, yet the prices are not going down. Why? Because the owners know that their politicians will prevent the properties from being confiscated. The real estate gangs stick together to keep prices inflated. The rabbis know, but they need to make a living, too. Tell them to sell the houses at low prices instead of taxpayers having to bail them out.

Second: publish a kol korei signed by the biggest rabbis unequivocally prohibiting the hiring of illegal immigrants. Let frum people pack orders at Kosher supermarkets, and establish a fund to make up the difference between what the employer pays and what they (reasonably) expect.

Third: make all school/yeshiva operators open their books. Parents are choking, teachers are not being paid, and rosh Yeshivas are parading in brand new SUVs and go on vacations in Florida. I want to know where the money comes from. They have an obligation to pay employees before taking profits. The amount of blood, sweat and tears they invested in the yeshiva is no excuse. If you’re a ganef, you can’t be a rosh yeshiva. (ooops, all Yeshivas would have to close…)

Fourth: unconditionally and unequivocally asser to give tzedakah to unknown individuals, or without solid proof that they are entitled to collect tzedakah. I had enough of snot-nosed hassidsh kids shaking their hands in my face asking for “hacnossas kallah” – meaning their own chassunah, coming up in four years. Yes, they do it and it is totally accepted in hassidish circles. Stupid jews fund the hassidim’s shtreimels and Escalades, thinking they do a mitzvah.

Fifth: relax your insane contraceptive rules. David Twerski, the führer of new square, prohibits any and all contraception in any and all case – yes, even if it is known the couple is genetically incompatible.

Sixth: prevent multiple small businesses to compete over one small clientele instead of uniting and opening a larger one. This is mostly due to typical Jewish factioneering.

Lastly, stop the insane price gouging in frum stores. Stop the punitive rent from frum real estate moguls, and tell shopkeepers you’ll discourage your parishioners from patronize them if they don’t sell for a fair price. I’m willing to pay pay 2%-6% more for clothing in a frum store instead of the mall. But not 10%-40%, that’s insane.

Finally – can someone tell me why all the sponsors on the bottom of the posters were from the food industry? 5 brownie points for the right answer.


© Joseph Izrael 2008

Dear Mr. Drekk

I am responding to you, who took the trouble to write a letter to Yated Ne'eman's editor, which you signed C.R. & M.F. from Fakewood.

You are two little pieces of drekk.
Not robbers, major criminals or bloodthirsty murderers. Just ungrateful little parasites.

How dare you even think the questions you ask, never mind asking them on the pages of a newspaper?
You are avrechei kollel who lack nothing. You readily acknowledge that your schvers and schvigers take care of all your needs, yet you are not ashamed to be annoyed by the fact that they dare expect you to say over some divrei Torah at the Shabbos table! How dare you! Let me please tell you something, Messrs C.R. & M.F.: when I hear you speak this way, I have a desire to convert to Christianity (or to kick the living daylights out of you). What you say is a chilul hashem of the first degree. First, you are obligated to respect your in-laws' wishes, as part of …כבד את אביך, whether they support you or not. קל וחומר בן בנו של קל וחומר since your entire Torah learning 'belongs' to them. But I guess “honesty”, “decency” and “integrity” are such schmutziga freia words heliga avreichim like you never even heard.

But your abysmal ingratitude stems from a far deeper problem. The entire generation of current full-time Torah learners, with few exceptions, is corrupt to the core. You learn on condition that you have all comfort and luxuries imaginable made available to you. You walk with your heads held high, you take your Torah for granted, and you imagine that the entire world ‘owes’ you. The majority of avreichim even engage in repugnant dependency on a plethora of governmental assistance programs, often acquired by outright fraud, deceit and lies - but in any case at taxpayers' expense. You parade yourselves and your families in new and expensive clothing, you live in big houses, drive new cars, and demand that the whole world respect and admire you – because you do G-d the great favor of churning the same twenty blatt of noshim & nezikin over and over.

Now listen to me, you generals of Sdom and people of Amorah, you who feed from the filthiest pig troughs on earth, the hands of politicians who push everything that G-d abhors - pornography, homosexuality, abortion on demand, special rights for criminals, terrorists and whoremongers -; you have breached your fiduciary duties with the Ribono shel Olam and Klal Yisroel. (Yes, learning the Torah and observing it is a fiduciary duty, in case you weren't aware of it). You claim to hold yourself to the highest standards of Torah and halocha, yet you sink lower than drug dealers. Those at least don't walk around pretending that they're the cream of the crop – and I'm sure they don't spit in their fathers-in-law’s faces. In case you weren't aware of it, the Torah has a בין אדם לחבירו part to it too. But for some reason, not one of all the new chumras instituted in the last forty years is בין אדם לחבירו (except when it comes to tell loshon hora about haimishe child molesters and embezzlers).

Let’s forget for a moment that you completely ignore, and often go head on against nearly all forty-eight requirements of kinyan Torah (פת במלח תאכל ועל הארץ תישן, בענוה, בקבלת היסורין, אוהב את התוכחות, ולא מגיס לבו בתלמודו, - just to name a few) – by spitting in your fathers-in-law’s faces, you not only violate one of the עשרת הדברות, but you’re also being ungrateful to the ribono shel olam.

You have, however, good mentors and accomplices in your abysmal arrogance, complacence and hypocrisy; your fathers-in-laws probably went in deeper debt they already were, and committed a few more dishonesties and indecencies to get enough dough for buying two ungrateful, disrespectful and worthless little ‘takhshitim’ like you. And they in turn mistoma learned from the heiliga roshei Yeshivos who do shidduchim exclusively with rich, white-collar elites who swim in 100% honestly earned dead presidents. (Maybe the "choshuva askonim" of BMG are already pushing for a $500 Bill with Clinton's face on it...)

In fact, your horrifyingly self-serving haughtiness is reflective of the secular society you claim to be so secluded of. Your letter is reminiscent of rebellious teenage rock anthems, whose basic “philosophy” is “leave us alone ‘cos we do whatever we wanna do, yeah yeah yeah!”

According to what I read in parshas bechukosai, it is behavior like yours that triggers all the klolos in the Torah. However, as far as I am concerned, if you do not mend your ways, it would be enough that you get two worms like yourselves for sons-in-laws, as a reward for your tzidkus.

PS –
Before you accuse me of ‘kollel bashing’ and ‘avrech hating’ take a moment to ponder that a) I’ve been in kollel too, but never took any government assistance or other forms of schnorring and b) as Torah scholars, you are to be held to the highest standards possible, (הקב"ה מדקדק עם צדיקים כחות השערה and כל הגדול מחבירו יצרו גדול הימנו) not just sneer and look down at everyone else.


ADDENDUUM PENDULUUM 7/8/'08:
I'm informed by a certain occasional Yated reader that the week following this letter, the schvers apologized(!!!) to their sons of b-oops, I mean laws. The week after, the SOL's admitted the letter was a hoax. Go figure. One thing is sure: I was right on the money about the stupid schvers, and even if the letter is actually a hoax, the attitudes are definitely prevalent in the impeccable, uncriticisable, perfect and flawless Yeshivisha Velt.

Oy Vey - Rabbi Anonimous informs that indeed there are some terrible problems in the Yeshiva velt: some avreichim show up as late as 4 minutes into brochos for shacharis, some families didn't get approved for sec8/HUD, and some misinterpreted a certain Rashbo on Yevomos. Oy Vey.

© Joseph Izrael 2008

Helter Smelter

King Oil is rising in western Sibieria, according to a recent National Geographic article. Formerly pockets of isolation and desolation, dilapidated slum-villages are now turning into thriving suburban areas. Nightclubs, museums, fancy schools, sports centers sprout in the towns. With better housing and job opportunities, they attract newcomers, and in sharp contrast with the rest of the country –the rest of Europe, in fact- there is positive population growth. The article barely pays lip service to the ecological and environmental impact of more than 70 billion barrels of crudie being exploited, often forcing out local nomadic tribes. One town even boasts a statue of an oil drop – I don’t think anyone in the Western World would get a free pass on that one. And even the fact that they are harsh on immigrants (mostly Muslims from FSU, lured by the low wages –but wages nonetheless- at the oil fields) doesn’t seem to bother the Geographic.

Of course, we here in the mighty US of A aren’t doormats either – two weeks ago ICE agents raided Agriprocessors, a kosher meatpacker in Iowa, and apprehended some 400 illegal immigrant workers. The action was carried out almost as brutally as the apprehension of 400 dangerous children from the “LSD” church, because they were severely abused by their Mormonic polygamist parents. (Side note: an American veteran sent an angry letter to the NG editor saying he worked menial jobs all his life, contrary to their claim in their article “Mexico’s Other Border”, that illegal immigrants are an absolute necessity for the survival of the USA, and that Mexico treats its illegal immigrants from the south so nicely that they’re dying of overfeeding and excessive leisure. In fact, most find this decadence so repugnant that they prefer continuing to the US, where economic hardship forces people to face a harsher –but sane- reality). So why aren’t the other 20 million illegal immigrants raided as well? Ah, you don’t understand – we just don’t want to raise their suspicion. It has absolutely nothing to do with denunciations from far-left hatemongers. A few words criticizing Agri’s slave-oppression and eco-unfriendly methods couldn’t have aroused the ire of ICE.

ICE, of course, has nothing to do with Iceland’s new aluminum smelter, amply lambasted in the Geographic’s March edition. True, the smelter and the power supply necessary to operate it have far larger ecological impact than oil drills, and Western man has already triggered an ecological disaster or two. (Mentioning that nearly all such disasters have been foisted by the USSR and its satellites is beside the point.) However, the smelter was built with all the ecomaniacs’ rules, regulations and restrictions, far, far away from any civilization. But the Geographic and its green goblins still want the smelter stopped and prevent future plants. Instead, they suggest Iceland fire up its economy by selling postcards, opening museums displaying ancient Nordic art, and promote tourism. These are all wonderful ideas, but I don’t think it could stabilize a country’s economy like aluminum production & export.

Let me please jam you with one more gem: Scientists, (genius genius emeritus, a supra-species of humans who have the undisputable right to determine what’s good for the rest of humanity – with that humanity’s money.) are hard at work in the LHC – Large Hadron Collider, a 17 mile long tunnel, some 60ft in diameter, located on the French-Swiss border. The tunnel is equipped with mega-magnets and other mammoth gizmos and computers. It is a particle collider, which scientists hope will help discover the Higgs Particle – a component of protons and neutrons whose existence is still a mystery. And what will they do once they find it? Jack. Scream eureka. Know it exists. But more seriously, the prospective discovery has no immediate goal. It would be one of the many important scientific discoveries that weren’t all that important, yet led to technological improvements- iPods, blue-ray disc etc. The article gloats about the USA finally losing its 1st place in physics, due to the LHC, yet forgets to mention any safety concerns.
The scientific community has an affinity to see the world as a mass of matter only, definable by a set of equations, completely excluding the spiritual. But G-d has an affinity to remind man that he has crossed the line in a rather tragic way. The Challenger and the Discovery space shuttles are but few examples of disastrous negligence prompted by conceit, often occurring when man forgets he’s still not big enough to “touch G-d’s face”.
And unless the mega-magnet cause an implosion of such mega-magnitude that would swallow the LHC with the twenty villages about it, you’ll never hear of its dangerous effects.
Forget all the doomsday scenarios; the mere fact of mega-magnets, unprecedented speeds and temperatures coupled with radiation and all those electro-magnetic fields are reason enough for concern. Yet the roughly 23 mi2 populated area of the LHC seems to be of no concern to anyone. But the ecomaniacs, in cahoots with the scientific establishment fight nuclear energy, and additional exploitation of natural reserves tooth and nail. Shut Indian Point, don’t drill in ANWR, don’t build new refineries.

When senator Harry Can’t Reid (but O’Bama Can Wright!) was asked to consider stopping the use of corn for biofuels (as we sleazy right-wing gun nuts been telling you, [look at end of last para], using corn for fuel drives up the price of corn – in turn, farmers grow corn instead of other basic foods, creating a shortage, obviously resulting in higher prices – and the avalanche goes on) he said he couldn’t believe there was any truth to those claims – but that he’d consider it nonetheless.

And guess who are the only ones not affected by the inflated prices? You’ve got it right – the leeches who live off welfare, foodstamps, section 8 and other government grants. They’re concerned with neither food nor oil prices. And they will invariably vote in the hand that feeds them.

The obvious conclusion is that both politicians and scientists see human beings as lab roaches. Your life means nothing to them. They’ll be kept in power by an illiterate populace that enjoys living for free, while the rest of us can drop dead as far as they are concerned. More and more rules and regulations will keep the undesirables who stand in their way weakened and vulnerable. Of course, we could rediscover local farming and start living a little more responsively. But the immediate reaction can only be tshuva and a lot of prayers. And stock up on ammo.

A lot.



© Joseph Izrael 2008

Fool For Your Loving (No More)

I was angered and frustrated to see Harry Maryles1 endorse John McCain for president. What’s the big fuss, you may ask, who cares about a retired, self-aggrandizing busybody pompously “endorsing” this or that candidate? Why even notice him?

There are several reasons. One being the fact that Rabbi Maryles reflects the apathy, ignorance, stupidity, emptiness, but more than anything the burning desire to be “moderate”, “mainstream”, and “reasonable”, prevalent not only in Hollywood, Greenwich Village, but unfortunately in the world of Orthodox Judaism as well. And no, don’t start pointing fingers at only YU and the carbon-conscious RCA: Mishpacha magazine just published an article about the primaries – the word “immigration” wasn’t mentioned even once, and not one interviewee spoke of either Romney or Alan Keyes. What are the Jewish leaders concerned about? The “war” in Iraq, the heilige economy, and most importantly, how much freebies they can squeeze out of each candidate. It seems that Jewish “leadership” still operates by the model of “I am in the West, but my heart is in the East” – and your brains are on Jupiter, your honesty and integrity, it seems, ceased to exist altogether. Only the immediate benefit matters, the jar of peanut butter, one more buck, one more seat at the next Seudas Achashverosh, all coated with false concerns about what’s going on 3000 miles away.

Really now, are you concerned about the war? So please, tell me dear Community Leaders, Rabbonim, Shtadlonim and Askonim, what have you done to end the war sooner, to make our troops safer, to save the Marines falsely accused of murder? Have you protested the appointment of fat bureaucrats as strategists and wartime decision makers? Have you protested politicians and journalists teaming up to falsely accusing and staging Dreyfus trials for Marines? Because when Rabbis were falsely accused of child molestation you were pretty quick to react, right Mr. Shafran2 ?

As for domestic security – what steps were taken to protect schools from terrorism? Are there armed guards in our schools? Is there any emergency plan in place? Alarm system? Or have the "shtadlonim"- the selfless community volunteers lined their pockets again with our children’s safety?

Oh, but McCain is tough on national security! So tough he proposed a bill to –well, not amnestize, - but to turn 20 million “illegal immigrants” (read: the rabble that is unwanted even in Mexico, who all come here only to work hard, at jobs Americans won’t do) into honorable citizens, and to leave our borders wide open. For we know, of course, that Arab Terrorists are too stupid to enter the country via Mexico or Canada. Besides the fact that our staunch allies, the governments of the aforementioned countries, wouldn’t allow terrorists on their soil. Besides, terrorists trying to infiltrate the country is a conspiracy theory invented by extremist right-wingers. That’s why we need strong national security for, and will achieve it by to kissing John’s mark of Cain.

The other reason is, that Maryles presents himself as opposing “the establishment”. There can be no greater dishonesty than a self-proclaimed challenger of the establishment endorsing an establishment darling like Cain. Cain is being cajoled by the Republican party’s ultra-liberal “old girls network”, as Michael Savage calls them, in the same exact way Gerry Ford was propped up at Barry Goldwater’s detriment, Nixon and Bob Dole against Reagan. Mr. Maryles, since you’re so hell bent on winning the war on Iraq, can you please teach us who, in your opinion, is better disposed to do this job? In case you don’t know, Dr. Maryles, there are now more contractors than troops in Iraq, our troops are bound by irrational rules of engagement and have to fear for their lives from terrorists as well as politicians and journalists trumping up false charges against them. Is John Cain, part and parcel of the Republican Aristocracy with an extremely leftist vote record, more likely to challenge the Iraqi status quo than Romney, an outsider to the oligarchy?
Who, in your opinion, Rabbi Maryles, is a better candidate to put a halt to the endemic welfare abuse and corruption ubiquitous practically everywhere? Rubber-cheeked Cain, knight of the Re-Pub-Li-Clan or Romney, who built his fortune with his own hands (as opposed to the war-hero adulterer who inherited his fortune from his wife?) Why, Rabbi Maryles, I thought you were against parasites bending over their gmoras and living on government handouts! Who, according to your estimates, would better fight terrorism – a man who opposes the horrible torture of waterboarding (almost like the Gas chambers) even terrorists, or Romney, whose greatest crime is being a Mormon?

Rabbi Maryles, Agudath Israel, RCA, UJA, JCC; is there anything, anything, in the world – your honesty, decency, integrity and good judgment - you wouldn’t sacrifice on the altar of Centrism and moderation? Or are you just trying to endorse the most likely candidate and then gloat “I told you so!”?

Let’s daven our Gentile neighbors aren’t as stupid as us Jews, and despite their Brittney Spears3 canonizing media will elect the only candidate in whom we at least can have a faint hope to pull this country together again.

_________________________
1. Author of the sterile but popular blog “Emes VeEmunah”.
2. Official spokesmouth for Agudath Israel. Agudath Israel – a once great organization established to help Klal Yisroel, today a country-club of factotums whose mission is to get rich on the backs of stupid Jews who believe them.
3. A famous American prostitute, to whom American youth –largely ignorant of Ernest Hemingway and Herman Melville- look up as their role model. She is endorsed by the New York Times, which also endorses John (Mc)Cain.

© Joseph Izrael 2008

Turbo Lover (Twin Turbos)

Chananya Weissmann, who is greatly honored to hold the first reference in my links section, had an interesting article out a few months ago. The good ol’ schidduch crisis, again. Weissman, however, deviated this time from his usual approach of attacking the rigid social idiosyncrasies. Instead, he jumped on the masses’ bandwagon, blaming everything on the charedim in covert words. He generally addresses the subject as a whole, and when focusing on a specific community, it’s more the MO crowd. Yet this time he imports the Charedi meshigassen and blames the MO‘s problems on Charedim.

Guys and girls aren’t allowed to mix freely, a year in an Israeli Yeshiva turns the immaculate virginity of unsuspecting YU kids into rabid Yeshivish hard-liners, and Frisch grads simply cannot resist the temptation of deserting to the deepest darkest dungeons of Neturei Karta, right? I wonder whether Belz and Vizhnitz were successful in smuggling into the Young Israel crowd their demand for a spotless pedigree as a prerequisite to any prospective match?

In my opinion Weissmann totally misses the point. There is, of course, a common denominator in the schidduch crises on both sides of the aisle. But that is, so far, out dirty little secret. So let’s first give everyone a round of good bashing. The Charedi meshigassen are pretty easy for all to see: Hassidim want a fat schwer with lots of gelt, life support, a house, (“viz finish basmint tzi rent out for other chussid who vant hous viz finish basmint”) a Lexis, a Seberben and a beezniss. Of course, a “yichuss” to Rashi, Rabbi Yochanan HaSandlar and Dovid Hamelech goes without saying. Unfortunately, even in this wonderful America, the American dream isn’t yet a granted reality. All the more so the perfect schidduch – not so American, but much closer to a dream. Not everyone can be a millionaire, and even corrupt politicians haven’t yet figured out a way to hand out kallahs in a welfare program.

In the nasty world of kalter Litvaks, the situation is far more sophisticated: the girl (and the boy) must have clearly defined hashkafas, and must not veer astray - even a mashehu. Hashkoffeh, oy, die heilige Hashkoffeh! You see, litvaks aren’t just unwashed bums like those Chassidishe brutes. Each word, term, expression and name has a proper feel and touch to it, that little indescribable tone and facial countenance. “Lomdes”… “Chazon Ish”… “Teireh”… “Moron”… “Hasmodeh”… “Mesirus Nefesh”… woe onto the prospective chosson or kallah who roll their eyes the wrong way while these saintly words escape their lips! The chosson must, of course, unconditionally surrender to 24.3 hours of uninterrupted Torah toiling – the five cell-phones being only a necessary evil accessory to strengthen the bond with his rebbetzin. Of course, the kallah must be prepared for total devotion and absolute, selfless mesirus nefesh to Torah and a life of utter simplicity, even poverty – provided her father (preferably a Rosh Yeshiva – but if all he has is gelt, nu, we aren’t over-demanding) arranges for a fully paid apartment, furniture (used in top condition is OK – we Litvaks aren’t dirty materialists like you Hassidim or MO), maid and new Borsalino hat quarterly.
You can understand that for such a match made in heaven one must go through hell.

But the MO, oh, the true pioneers of derech haemtzais, pluralism, moderation, open-mindedness and academic freedom, nu, let’s give them a standing ovation. After all, how can one criticize these angels of absolute relativism, who freely mingle the sexes without the slightest shade of a doubt of improper behavior? Could anyone suspect the muses of moderation of dissociating themselves from a lower tier? Is it possible to even surmise the sublime disciples of Heidegger are capable of succumbing to material temptation? Could the exalted emulators of The Rav’s ways be suspected of vanity and looking down on people without PhD’s? See, coarse people like yourself, read a greasy blog by someone who actually touches a potato with his bare hands, performs an oil change on his non-late model gas-guzzler, and even –Darwin yishmerainu- drinks beer and smokes cigarettes! You guys can’t even begin to fathom the sophistication that goes into the shidduch decisions of an elated YU alumni. You have to understand that people who insist on their prospective life partner having a degree, a well-paying job, being able to converse about Hegelian nons… ooopppsssssss, um, genius, have a certain finesse that we “blackneck” Litvacks simply lack. Us, blues-listening, white-knuckled proletariat would never understand that a wife washes the dishes, laundry and children not because she happens to be a woman, -that’s horribly degrading- but for the mere fact that his Honor Mr. Chemical Engineer, Esq., PhD., EtC., who learns two shiurim and attends night collel simply doesn’t have the time to do these chores.

Schidduch crisis? Not in the least, no siree. The problem, essentially, is the same in all sectors; only the symptoms are slightly different. Scientific studies about the male to female ratio and the influence of a yeshiva year on one’s personality are good conversation for saleshidess, but in the real world are as irrelevant as Heidegger’s hogwash. Sinas chinom and “I” are the problem. The power that creates idiotic societal norms is called Sinas chinom. Then, it galvanizes segregated communities based on those meshigassen, to separate us from the other Yid. “I”, the ego, freezes our brains in such conceit that we can’t lower our honorable Self to accept second-class merchandise, lest we too be labeled second-grade.

Schidduch crisis? How about our complete egomania, our total infatuation with oilom hazeh, our reluctance to admit it and renounce it? Couple it with absolute laziness – we want to be the Gaon MiVilna overnight – and even on that night get a good sleep! – and there’s your perfect recipe for absolute disaster. So no, I don’t think there’s any schidduch crisis at all. There’s a “me” crisis raging.
Come to think about it – how good can a marriage of such people be? Mmmmmm, more schidduch crisis please!


© Joseph Izrael 2007

להודות ולהלל לשמך הגדול

Drrrrrrriinnggg! I looked at the phone with contempt. “Which moron could it be now? Can’t they leave me alone at least on Sundays?”
- Hello
- Hi, Joe?
- Yes?
- Hi, this is such and such, how are you?
- Oh, Mr. Such And Such, how are you feeling? Is everything OK with you? “Good, I actually liked him. But what does he want from me? Now?”
- I’ll be in a little later; I’d like to talk to you a little, is it OK?
- Yes sure. Are you coming back? Did anything happen?
- No, no, we’re having a Hanukah party in the auditorium. You sure know about it. “Of course I know.” I think to myself, “But why do you need to remind me about it now? I have nothing to do with it.”
- Sure, sure, so I’ll see you later.
What on earth does he want from me? Probably some Hanukkah presents for the kids, I thought.

After the usual how are yous, how are you feelings and some small talk, he hands me over an envelope. I tried to protest, but he was adamant. “You really shouldn’t,” I told him, “I just did my job”. No, no, he protests, I feel you went out of your way for me. There was barely any truth to this, as we just made sure he got his meals in his room on time, and when his wife would come to visit he’d get an extra portion. Big deal.

The point is, he probably never made what I make now. And it would have been a lot easier for me to give him that sum than vice versa. But people who don’t have it easy are more appreciative.

When my kids calmed down a bit, after coming home from zaidie’s Chanukah party, with tons of presents galore and more tons of nosh in their stomachs, I sat them down and told them Mr. Such A. Such’s story. He had only one son, with severe mental retardation. Ditto for his second wife. They would never have any grandchildren to give presents to. They never knew the joy of a kid coming home with a scorecard. To take their children to the park. To tell them a story. To come home or leave a home filled with children’s laughter. And he did very much appreciate what was done for him. He remembered me after several months. He thanked me just for doing my job. I wasn’t doing my job for him, he knows this, yet he felt obligated.

Many things are said about Chanukah. Resisting Hellenism, the oil miracle, Torah Shebeal-Peh… but what we insert in davening is להודות ולהלל – to thank and to praise. And that includes perhaps not only the Chanukah miracle, but any and all daily miracles that we take for granted. Maybe a time to reflect on what we really say in ברכות השחר.

I don’t want to take these $50. If you have or know an organization that looks out for lonely people or that visits people in hospitals, let me know. I’d also like to thank the YU guys who came on Purim to make a party for the patients.

“Most people are so ungrateful to be alive. But not you. Not anymore.” Game not over!

© Joseph Izrael 2007

Roxanne

We just read about Shimon and Levi slaying an entire town for tolerating a tremendous injustice done in their midst. But there was something else at play too – maybe even deeper and more fundamental than the simple reason attributed to the retribution.

Yaakov chastises his sons, saying that by their action, they have placed him in peril. Their reply seems totally detached and unrelated to the rebuke: “? הַכְזוֹנָה, יַעֲשֶׂה אֶת-אֲחוֹתֵנוּ - Shall our sister be dealt with as a prostitute?” Communication breakdown? How does this possibly answer their father’s claim that their actions caused them to face extermination? No answer, no give and take. The chapter ends here.

So what was so convincing about this short snippet that left Yaakov Ovinu speechless? What can possibly make you agree that putting your life in danger was justified?

Had Yaakov’s sons taken their father’s reasoning into consideration, what would have been the outcome? Would the Hittites and surrounding nations have respected and honored Bnai Yisroel for being able to restrain themselves? Would they see the Daughters of Israel as dignified women with self-respect? Would they be safer that way?
In all probability that’s not exactly the message the Hittites would have gotten. And perhaps, they would not have been better off being constantly victimized by the neighboring bullies.
And maybe even if it wouldn’t have turned out exactly like that, what kind of life is it knowing you can be bought?

Well, certain things are worth fighting for. Dying for. Suffering for.

Certain things just cannot be prostituted, bastardized and sold out. The Torah is one of them. One’s integrity is another. Yes, there is a tremendous amount of flexibility. But there are red lines. And it really doesn’t matter whether you start by prostituting your integrity or the Torah. They’re bound together. If you start cutting corners “for the Torah”, first a little white lie, a little dishonesty here, a bissaleh fraud there… If you start cutting corners of the Torah… you’ll end up in the same place as well… you’ll eventually cut the fundamental corners, the cornerstones. You’ll willfully distort the Torah, as distortion will become part of you.

Maybe Shimon and Levi’s mistake was taking booty. They didn’t make it clear enough that their sole objective was doing justice. They declared to the entire world: “Don’t mess with us!” But then and there they also erred buy touching the material belonging. And perhaps that was Yaakov Ovinu’s claim against them: if you can’t carry out your duty in the purest possible form, you may as well not do it at all. But they still answer him There’s no prostituting the Torah!

'אין חכמה ואין תבונה ואין עצה נגד ה

© Joseph Izrael 2007

Homicidal Suicidal

The big winners of the Iraq debacle are of course Iran and Syria. As the mirage of a free, democratic and stable Middle East fades as fast as the support for the war, the Syrian Communists and the Iranian Shiite Zealots have already sharpened their forks and knives, drooling on their bibs with the thought of the Iraq spoils.

Similarly, the big winner after the 84th Agudah convention and Rav Herschel Schachter’s lecture in Teaneck is none other than our beloved UOJ. Unfortunately his claims that the only way to raise awareness about child molestation and the cover-up thereof in the Orthodox community is by insulting, cursing, swearing and heaping lies upon truths, has been vindicated both by Rav Schachter and the Agudah convention.

The Agudah convention focused on reducing all Orthodox blogs to the Orthodox Un-Jew, and asserting that all those who are deemed Gdolei HaDor by the Gdolei HaDor are indeed Gdolei HaDor and as per consequence are beyond even the slightest soupçon of criticism. Rav Schachter’s deniably confrontational battle hymn seemed to confirm that indeed, all those mad black-hatters are accomplices and enablers of child molesters and rapists who want to prevent you from calling the police on criminals.

I wish I could ask Rav Schachter why hasn’t he thrust to the hilt, say, a year ago. Or two. Or three. I’m sure Rav Schachter knew that Orthodox children were molested even before Mr. UOJ revealed it to us all. I’d also like to ask him whether he really believes that calling the police on a suspect is in fact a strong enough deterrent for would-be molesters, and finally, I’d like to ask him whether he truly believes that his address in Teaneck could indeed change the mindset of an entire community – a community that rejects him.

The Rabbonim of the Agudah unfortunately behaved exactly as their good old friend Orthodox Un-Jew was constantly accusing them – complete denial of the facts, accusing all dissidents of being disrespectful of “Da’as Torah” and further hiding their heads in the sand to the fact that there is growing dissatisfaction – in their own communities – about the lack of leadership and their refusal to deal with a myriad of problems, child molestation being just one of many more.

Why Rav Scachter had to dig out the half-buried hatchet I know not, yet his speech a mere week after the Agudah convention is no coincidence. But if Rav Schachter is really so concerned about Clal Yisroel’s well-being, I wonder when is the last time he tried to reconcile various factions of Orthodoxy. Or to insure the security of Jews – did he ever contact any congressmen or senators about Homeland/Border security to prevent events such as the LAX Airport or the Seattle Jewish Federation shootouts? Did Rav Schachter do or say anything about the Mordechai Tendler scandal?

The sad reality is that calling the police is only possible after a child has already been abused. Child molesters, in whichever community they may happen to be, are not in the least deterred by the knowledge of the police being possibly called on them. Convictions are very unlikely, because such things are difficult to prove, and due to the fact that most judges in liberal states are either card-carrying NAMBLA members or simply more often than not tend to sympathize with the criminal rather than with the victims. The fact of the matter is that the only solution to this problem can be a complete change of mindset, wherein perpetrators would have to fear, if not corporal, at least social reprisal and ostracism rather than the victim. But this will not happen easily, certainly not with a lecture in Teaneck.

As long as an entire community is preoccupied with $400 baby outfits, how they are being seen by their neighbors, which prestigious shidduch they would be able to make (the future happiness of the newlyweds is not a factor in this equation, just in case you wondered) and how far to the East they are seated in their Grand Synagogue, being molested will be a greater hindrance than being a molester.

This issue, as well many other pressing issues, such as protecting us from the influx of Moslem fanaticism into the USA, the media’s anti-Israel and anti-Jewish onslaught, among others, were addressed neither by the Agudah nor by Rav Schachter. I’m yet to hear one word of denunciation of pro-gay, pro-terrorist political figures and candidates from our leaders, be they MO or other-wise, as well as one word of support for those who wish to secure the country and its borders.

But since we’re anyway going to be obliterated sooner or later, why not have some fun fighting with each other in the meantime?

©right Joseph Izrael 2006

In-Tuition

The last two issues of the English Mishpacha magazine dedicated a long, two-part article dealing with the tuition crisis. The article was quite well written and encompassed the problem from most angles. Yet it didn’t offer too much that was not previously known, nor suggested seriously viable solutions. I am not sure if there are such solutions, but I do have a few ideas of my own. How effective they would be if implemented I cannot say for sure, yet I believe that from a rational, and maybe honest, perspective they are perhaps more valid than most on the market today.

The voucher program is often touted, yet practically it is almost impossible to implement: the majority of frum schools are in the tri-state area, in other words the nations most leftist, and therefore most anti private school and obviously the most averse to the idea of the voucher program. A law exempting parents of private-school educated children from the school tax (and the school tax only) part of property taxes would make more sense, and more palatable to the Democrats, choice party of most frum communities. However, with all the social services consumed by the frum community in general and the hassidim especially, the Orthodox delegates probably concentrate their energy on turning the attention away from this fraudulent parasitism rather than solve the entire community’s problem –especially for the honest working families who can’t or refuse to pay their rent with food stamps.

Another effective tool would be to establish a PTA –Parents for Transparent Accounting- panel. Personally, I have never seen a dean/owner of an educational institution who doesn’t live in a luxurious home, has no late-model fancy car, who can’t afford tuition and camp for their children, and generally don’t swim in money. Not that there is anything wrong with making money – education, in order to be effective and successful, has to be run like any other profitable business. Unless the most important variable is omitted from the equation: competition. Since the vast majority of educational institutions are tailored to the frum communities’ compartmentation, nearly all parents have only one moisad to which to send their children in their area - at least in the elementary years. That means that parents are being taken for granted by these establishments. Make the criteria for grouping children other than tribal adherence (child’s abilities, personality, school’s educational orientation and ideology) and you’ve got fair competition. But I guess until the prophecy of “v’Gur Zvihl im Litveks” isn’t fulfilled, such competition isn’t on the agenda.

Of course, many have spoken and speculated what would happen if all Orthodox parents in, say, the East Ramapo School district would swarm to register their children in the public school? Quite obviously, the school tax would be eliminated – as above suggested - before the first day of school. But the Rebbes wouldn’t like it: lower housing prices would mean less business in the real-estate industry, and of course lower pidyionos from the building moguls, not to mention the apathy and incapability of proactive exercise of the frum lemmings.

Of course, the mere thought of the powerful Jewish organizations demanding tough border control from the government, rather than one more block of margarine or pardon for some "frum" felon triggers hysterical laughter from the rational thinker. Yet it should trigger tears of fire. The sad fact is that many many taxes are driven higher and higher by the Mexican invaders. It is bad enough that in many places we must subsidize homegrown parsites’ uncontrolled offspring (conceived for the sole reason that Medicaid is easier to obtain than birth control) – we can’t afford to add tens of millions of third-world “immigrants” to the bill. If you’d pay 8 to 20 per cent less on everything you buy, tuition would be less of a pain. And when you realize that L.A. County alone spent $216 Million in 2005 on illegal aliens only for social services (excluding jail, legal and emergency health services) you understand that these numbers aren’t in the least exaggerations.

But if the Agudah, RCA, Satmar et al have easier means of lining their pockets, why would they move a little finger for you? If they can bamboozle you with the meaningless rhetoric reprinted in the papers you’re willing to buy, why bother? Why antagonize their big-business buddies who employ those aliens instead of the mentally weak or dropouts of our own community? Or at least an American citizen who could get off unemploymnent benefits?

And if the frum community would be just a bit more united and less tribally egocentric, we could have a quite strong economic structure of our own. But since Chaim Litvak can’t hire Yankel Belzer and Shimmy Vizhnitz’s daughter is barred from working for Berel Gerrer, what kind of independent economic infrastructure can you expect?

And finally, if you realize that you grew up in a totally different culture, without a degree and formal professional education (in most cases), take a pretty comfortable lifestyle for granted along with private education (which is quite bit of luxury according to all American standards) you don’t have it that bad. Besides, if you were a fairly good student in Yeshiva, you have an extremely powerful tool that no other community in the world possesses: the Gemora. The strong analytic mind and buttocks which it builds is the recipe for the worlds most potent propellant.
Use it.